Blessed

As I hop on this United plane on the way home, I look for seat 20E. I sit and look for my downloaded playlist. Stevie Wonder’s “Love's in need of love today” begins to play. A perfect song choice for what I've been going through the last few weeks. I continue to doubt myself. “Do I belong here? Why am I here? You sure you want ME to go?” That imposter syndrome is loud.

A few months ago, I was asked if I wanted to join our sales team in Mexico for a huge Latin América conference. I was immediately hyped. Then the feeling of uncertainty hit me. “Uhh, what did I just sign up for?” Over the last year, I have helped tap into that market. I've had meetings with clients in Spanish, sent emails in Spanish, and provided updates on performance to our team, all while maintaining a strong presence. I've been a part of every gain in momentum that we've had with LATAM. So why do I have to continue to be hard on myself? Why do I doubt what I do? I can succeed in this ever-changing market we call ad tech. 

After the invitation, I made sure I connected with every leader in our company to make sure I can be a valuable asset to the company while I’m in Mexico. I was told to pick up on industry news, network, and to be myself. Unfortunately, being myself is being alone in a corner, just wanting to go home.

The conference came quickly! Was I ready? I thought so. I had never been to Mexico; the last time I was out of the country, I was 18. The political climate made me nervous about being stranded somewhere. Like that Tom Hanks movie where he lives in the airport. I arrived in Mexico City. Man, what a beautiful place, full of color, packed with pride, history, trees, and most importantly, culture. I felt like I was home. I'm not Mexican; my parents are from El Salvador, but I felt comfortable in Mexico City. Everyone greeted me with love and respect. That's not something I feel in Omaha. Nebraska “Nice” is for everyone but those people who look like me.

Day one of the conference was in full swing. I woke up bright and early and got myself ready for a full day of sessions and conversations. Let me tell you, I grew up speaking Spanish. It's my first language. In Los Angeles, that's pretty much all I spoke; I was immersed in it. When I moved to Omaha, it all went away. I spoke Spanish with my family, and that was it. It was like my own superpower. But when I walked into this convention center, I was immediately out of my element. The signs were in Spanish, the ads were in Spanish, the sounds were Spanish, the Spanish slang, the Spanish love was flowing.

In order for me to feel comfortable, I went to the first session of the day. It was being held by someone I worked with years ago, let me see what he has to say about AI. The conversation was in English. Cool, I'm in. Let's keep going to sessions and just get a feel for everything. I ran into a coworker and caught up; it was fantastic. She held her own with her Spanish. That was dope to see. I wonder what she was feeling like as especially not being a native speaker. We hit a few more sessions, learned about CTV (connected TV), the impact of social media, and the power influencers have within their message. Lastly, I was able to attend a session about leadership and teamwork within an agency. A jam-packed day.  At the end of the day, I just wanted to sit alone in the hotel room. I was exhausted.

I did just that. It was necessary.

Day two came with a challenge. I had messages in my inbox from people wanting to connect with me, and I also made it a point to talk to people. I responded to the message and we set a meeting, I was excited! Told my teammates, and they were happy for me. They said, “You're going to kill it!" I thought to myself, " Wait… me?! Why me? I'm not a seller.” Shit! What did I do? The meeting came, and I was able to provide insights into our reach in LATAM. In that short time, I was able to connect personally with this person. I invited him to our dinner event. He said he'd be there. Sick.

Throughout the second day, I was given compliments on my Spanish. How I spoke it so well. I was asked where I was from and where I learned to speak. By the 5th or 6th person that had the same sentiment, I asked them “¿ Qué? ¿No me miró latino o qué?" We laughed together. He said that I had an accent, but I was doing extremely well speaking it. I felt cool. Bet, I'm set.

Dinner came, and we were all nervous. Was anyone going to show up? People started trickling in, my client messaged me and said he was coming with 5 people. Hell yeah! He showed up, and I sat with them and made conversation. Oh no, my biggest nightmare. Speaking Spanish with a client and not feeling confident with my Spanish. Tequila… STAT. I needed that liquid courage. But let me tell you, I didn't need it. We connected on a deeper level. We talked about where he lived, his sports fandom, family, everything, it felt like. It honestly felt like we've known each other for years. It was natural. I asked him to forgive me for my Spanish. He shared that there was no problem with my Spanish. Sick!

The rest of his team came, a client of his came, and the conversations never stopped. It felt natural. It honestly felt like my Mom's dinner table when we gather the family together. The crazy part was that I was in a “middle seat." The responsibility to hold a conversation was on me.

Left to right, like a tennis match, I made sure everyone felt seen and included. You don't want to miss a ball; otherwise, it's a point to the opposing team.

After the dinner, I was given compliments from the team for the work I did with the clients. It's not easy being "on” like this. It's not easy feeling like I shouldn't be here. I'm a son of immigrants; my life would be completely different if we had stayed in Los Angeles. Kids like me don't get to go on trips to Mexico like this and have an opportunity to make a mark in a company. Where I'm from, it's either the streets or a fast food restaurant. There aren't many options. Even in Omaha, Ad Tech isn't an industry that's easy to tap into. 

I don't take any of these opportunities for granted. I am truly blessed. I am thankful. I am appreciative. I also need to feel like I belong. I do have a space here. I have done the work to be where I am. I have made a mark with those I interact with. I need to show myself the love that I have been missing. I deserve it. Me lo merezco.