Two Wheels and Freedom
This week was beautiful. Over the weekend, I bought a bicycle. Something I've been wanting for years. Just never did it. Why? Didn't have the time? Scared? Not sure. But I did it now. And that's what matters: I did it. I plan to bike down to Benson and work from my favorite coffee shop.
I went to the bike shop with no clue of what I was looking for. I just wanted a bike. The owner of the shop walked me through the difference between a hybrid bicycle and a mountain bike. I went with an all-black hybrid joint. Black like my car and my heart. All black, everything.
My heart hurts. I'm not completely healed yet. I don't know what that really looks like, but I’m willing to try anything to find better guidance. Shit, just last week I went to an event that was sponsored by a local. I really want to find myself. I'm working on who I am. I'm hoping that this bike brings me calmness. It brings me joy. It allows me to feel the air through my hair, or lack thereof. Be one with the outdoors. The added activity is exercise, sure, whatever. But if I'm letting my head run a mile a minute, I can just hop on the bike and not think, just ride.
On Tuesday I dropped the kids off at work and drove home, got my Jansport Backpack from 8th grade, and loaded it up with my work laptop, headphones, house keys, and phone. In my pocket, I had my pocket knife, just in case. I got on the bike for the first time, and I instantly knew what I was doing. It just felt natural riding. I rode to the coffee shop a mile away, up the hill; my legs were burning. Keep pushing. Keep grinding. I got to Maple Street, a completely flat street. “I’m good,” I said to myself. I was. I did it. I got settled and then the sweat came, and I was cooked! I didn’t bring a towel. I couldn’t help but laugh. I finished my workday at the coffee shop and rode home. Straight decline on the way home. It was beautiful. I felt accomplished. I felt whole. I felt fucking delightful.
Today I rode around Lake Flanagan with my coworker, Max. Man, he's been lovely over the last few weeks. I'm blessed to have the best people around me caring for me. We rode for an hour and then hit some breakfast. We had the best conversation about expectations from our parents, life, and work. Really intentional conversations. I give my time to people that make me feel whole and don’t expect anything from me. Just bring myself, and that’s perfect.
Being intentional with my time. Wanting more connections. Deep connections.
Now I'm on a flight to LA again, and I can't feel my legs. Sick
Peace
